Jesus Our Healer

A few years ago, I was someone else. I'm lost in the dark side of my life. A few years ago, I was very different than today. If u ever know me before than you will know that I'm not 100% change but I am changing. There so much different in me. Well I'm not proud of myself but this mean that God has come to me and touch my heart. It is nice to know God. It is great to feel his love. I feel so lucky because God has come. And now this is my desire, to know and to get more closer to God. I'm addicted in this. Chasing God's love is just like an adventure for me. 

A few years ago, I am the lost sheep. I walk in the wrong direction. I walk in the darkness. I never realize it. Why this happen to me? Sometime i feel bad so I ask God, "Why this happen to me? Where are you?" I can't feel his love or maybe i just didn't realize it. All I can see is the greatest of this world. Does this world really can give me that much of happiness? I don't think so because if so why I still feel hurt? Like what some people said to me, the happiness of this world is just for a while. But nobody ever tell me that there is an everlasting love. Emm..maybe there is but i never realize it because i was so blind and so deaf. I can't see the light that God has give to me to brighten my way. I can't hear his voice. I can't feel his love.

Because I'm searching for happiness in this world. I'm searching for love but the love I want is not from God. I want it from human. There is the mistake and there is where it all start.

But God never leave me. I've leave him. I make him sad but he never leave me. He always there when i need him. He always answer me when I call him. But it just me, I always give up with God. I never wait for the answer. And the result is, I fall into the deep ravine. I feel hard in there. I'm trying to get up but I always fall. where is my faith? I have no faith in me. For one moment i feel so happy with my life. I laugh and I smile for all the time. I'm so happy and i thought that it is the happiness that God give for me. but I was wrong. It is the happiness from this world. For one moment, i'm free to fly like a bird. I have friends beside me. I have family. And I have a guy to love me. For me, this is life. I thought that my life is complete. But I never think that I walk to fast from god. I leave him behind me. Because I have friends and my guy. This life is full of love but the love is not from God. 

I'm too young to understand. A young teen girl. I am hunger for love and happiness. I never realize that it was wrong and when I start to realize it was too late. I make a big mistake in my life and I can't get it back. I can't turn back the time. And when all that happen, everyone start to leave me. My friends, my boyfriend. Everyone is gone. 

But one guy, never leave me. I believe that he is the guy that God send to me to bring me back to him because I can't hear God, I can't see him and i can't feel his love. I can't realize if God is standing next to me. So I believe that God has send this guy for me because God know and trust him that he can bring me home. He is the child of God. A child that has lost before and save by the father in heaven. 

Everyday I thanks God because God give me a very good friend that always there for me when I need someone, when I feel sad, when I feel bad, when i'm in trouble. He always there.

Everything is changed when I start to realize that God is talking to me by him. God is healing me by him. God is telling me something by him. The moment I realize that, I ask myself, "How can i so blind to know all this?"

Yea. I was so blind. I was so deaf. He was there with me for almost three years but I never see something special there. 

We have become friend for many years and he never leave me after all what happen to me. For everything I've done. He always accept me for who I am because for him there is nobody perfect in this world and there's nobody in this world is never done any mistake because he is the same with me before. And that's why we can be together. We have something about our past. We are broken. We lost but God found us. We are the lost sheep. God found us. God bring us back to him. 

God heal the broken heart. God search for the lost. God feed for the hunger. 

I believe that God is always with us. Watching for us and listening to us. I thanks to God because he call me back to him and today I'm still alive with a new heart. I feel lucky because God heal me with his love. Now I found my happiness. I found my true love. I got it from God the father. I'm still new in this life and i still can fall down once I start a mistake so everyday I pray to God to help me and to held my hand because i don't want to leave him anymore. I don't want to walk in front of him. I don't want to walk behind him. But I want to walk with him, next to him. That is my desire. Chasing after the kingdom of God. To understand and to get closer to God.

I thanks to God for this great life, for this great love. 

AMEN.