I am just a girl, a teenage girl with a normal life. I am a Christian but i still need a help because my life is so miserable. Day by day, my life become more worse. I never thought that i will become like this. I never thought that i will have to face it.
I'm not strong. But i never give up with my life..
I smile everyday. But sometime, all the smile is just a fake smile because inside me, it's bleeding. All i need is God. So pray a lot to God. Invite him to come in me. But i still never feel it. There's is nothing change but all the trouble is coming. Pushing me. I cry everyday. God say in the bible, if your heart is full of darkness, you will be blind because of the darkness make me blind.
Because of the trouble that comes and go, i never stop praying. I ask but still there's nothing happen. So i ask to myself. What else should i do. Maybe i'm wrong. Maybe i'm asking too much. Maybe i ask for something more to my self-interest. Maybe. Sometime, i wanna give up. But that time i will speak to my self that i'm still can. But i always cry. All i can do is just speak to my boyfriend. But what did i got if i tell him. Maybe i will feel good just for a while but it will come back again. All my boyfriend can say is just trust him and ask him why all this happen. I ask, but maybe the way i ask is not the right way.
But, i know that God never leave me. I trust that he always be by my side. I know, he's watching for me. I know he's listen to me. I know he can hear the voice from my heart. I know, he knew it.
But what's wrong, why am I still with this life?
Than, here comes. All the devil in my mind. I'm changing. I become more worse until sometime i feel like i'm gonna be crazy soon. I'm scared. Too scared. I don't wanna be crazy. I ask God. What else should I do?
And today, ( 21 January 2011), i feel so happy because i'm going to a prayer meeting. I feel very missing God.
God is great. He works using someone else to speak his words.
i listen carefully..
it's been a long time i haven't happy so much.
It's been a long time i haven't laugh so happily..
God is trying to tell me..and this time i listen to him. Very clear. He talk to me. No..It's not him. But Jenny. But, that words is belong to God.
So i know, It was God. He's there. With us. and he have touch me with his love.
Now i listen to what god say..finally..i understand it..
He want me to trust him..
He want me to comeback to him and walk with him..
He want me to ask from him not from others..
He tell me, that why he do this..why he give all the problem..because, by doing that, I will come to him, I will thinking about him, I will be missing him..
He tell me that, don't worry, because I will always be with you..
Thank you O'Lord..
Thank you..
I love you so much..
Please hold me forever..don't leave me..
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